Physical documentary

It’s been a while since I sat down and physically wrote in my book. Quite honestly it makes me nervous, this is unfamiliar.. I like paper. I like the feel I get on my hands when I examine by touch how each letter is inked and engraved through each line.It’s a reassuring feeling, to know that there’s a record of my very own words, thoughts. A peek of my soul, that cannot be erased. There’s safety that way, because as sad as it is to say, this digital age will be washed away some day. Things aren’t physically documented as they used to be. And that scares the heck out of me. So as hours of the day goes by, I tightly hold on to my notebook, because it is the only place that can hold my words. Because it’s the only way I can document my life in a way that is eternally preservable. Because it’s the only piece of me that will never disappear, the only piece of me, that will one day be published for the world to read, the one piece of me, that is my testimony to the world. A testimony that could be someone’s first Bible. It could be someone’s first step of faith, it could be someone’s first step to healing, to restoration. It could be someone’s first revelation of themselves, it could be someone’s first knowledge on worship. It could be someone’s light, someone’s answers, someone’s medicine. Just like, it could be someone’s friend, someone’s hope. But nobody’s “ Only Bible”. It will only be someone first step to more. More life, more wisdom that will lead them to the full understanding of Christ IN the bible. It could be someone’s source of peace, of joy, but nobody’s “Only Bible”. It could be someone’s inspiration, to know more of what the Word says. This is why, you see me tightly hang on to my words holder. Because, it may be, the only thing that will set somebody free. It’s the first proof, that I am, and ever really was. These pages filled with words, revelations, secrets and dreams, could be someone’s deliverance. It’s the only thing I know will never disappear with this digital age. If technology goes down today, I wouldn’t have to worry of what would happen to my memory.

But, I would cry so damn much if I lost my notebook. I would feel empty. I would feel so blue. Just thinking of it, makes me sad. So I will focus on today, right now. The joy I have, in holding it presently. Sensing the ink each word forms on the papers of my book. Yes, MY book. MY letters, My words, My whispers, MY secrets, MY songs, MY dreams, MY stories, with Him…MY psalms. This is the only thing I really have. This is the only thing I can really call mine. Because it is 100% me. Perhaps, 177%.  Because it’s the only thing I’m sure to be good at. I can’t dance even if my life depended on it, I can’t speak in front of a crowd, I barely know how to sing or get a hold of my voice, I can’t ski or swim for too long in a lake, I don’t know how to cook a whole turkey for people on thanksgivings or play violin.  But writing, yeah I can write. Expressing my soul through words? That I can do. And it’s the only one, you’ll ever find. You can crawl avenues, go hungry, but you’ll never find anything else out there like this. This book, will take me far, and bring someone out there, so much closer to Him. And its really all that matters. It’s the only reason why I don’t stop myself from composing….Who knows, maybe one day you’ll hold it in your hands, and pass on this physical documentary to generations to come. How will you leave your trace? 

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