N.2- A hunger that kills.

This was written in my wilderness when He drew me there, and was left with nothing but myself and Him.

That lonely ground and period, when He took me in a lonely and isolated place. I was still, I was happy, I was full and whole. He was all I really needed. I was tired of being around people and finding pleasure in the little things. Don’t get me wrong, I love and enjoy being with my closest friends and family. It’s so needed. As humans we weren’t made to live alone.  But my hunger for God and my love for Him, has always won over everything else. The passion that burns within me to dwell in His presence has always surpassed any other desire. Therefore, in that season, the intensity of hunger and thirst was so strong, I was so hungry that I felt as though I was going to die. I couldn’t stand being around anyone but Him. I was too hungry! I needed and wanted Him beside me at all time. His presence had become so tangible, that I was afraid to lose it. I wanted to protect the most precious thing. I was so passionately and madly in love with Him that I had become more selfish than ever. I didn’t want to share Him with anyone and anything. I didn’t want Him to look at anyone else but me. ( You bet I was the jealous girlfriend type lol). I wanted to be the apple of His eye just like He had become mine. I didn’t want to share my space with anyone BUT him. I didn’t want to share my dreams, my life, my heart with anybody BUT Him. He truly was all I wanted. Stillness had become more real than ever. I felt safe with Him, and at ease. I felt like myself, my true self. Walls weren’t needed, make-up wasn’t needed, pain was allowed because He knew how to turn it into something so beautiful. Rawness and honesty was permitted. Mess and wreckness was more than welcomed alongside Him.

I was just so hungry. For more and more of Him. I had entered a depth of His Presence, I had come to know the secret place in a dimension like never before, that a second away from it not eating and drinking from His cup, was enough to kill me. And what scared me even more was knowing that this was just the beginning. Yes,  for you who find yourself up there, it’s just the beginning…

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