July, 18th, 2015
It never felt this difficult and challenging climbing the Mountain. I suddenly felt distant, disconnected, and filthy. But also discouraged and hopeless. There was a lot going on around me in my life at that time, and unfortunately I gave my ears to those problems instead of keeping focus on Him and what was happening in the Mountain. And because of that little mistake which distracted me from what really mattered, I felt disconnected to the Holy Spirit. I knew I had grieved Him.
I felt the weight of His sadness in me. There’s nothing worst than that. I felt heavy, far away from Him and just so unworthy. It was just one day, but that one day allowed me to realize how badly I needed the Holy Spirit, for without Him I am nothing. I remember locking myself in my room, and crying my heart out in repentance. I felt like I broke a promise between Him and I that made Him run away. I felt like the worst friend ever. It was so bad. I prayed this prayer that I said out to Him, and just like that, the joy of His presence and company in me consumed me all over again.
Something to be aware of: The littlest distraction matter. Actually everything matter, especially, when you’re in times of intense prayer. Don’t lose the awareness of being sensitive to the Holy Spirit. Be careful not to grieve Him, keep your gaze straight ahead, block your eyes and ears from whatever is going on around You. Worry about what’s going on between you and God. It’s the only way you won’t miss out on His every move.
“Holy Spirit, if there’s anything I may of had done or said that grieved you, I pray today that You may forgive me. I don’t ever want to be away from You. I don’t ever want to take a breath that isn’t shared with You, because I made a vow with You that we are forever one. There is no distance or separation between us. Your breaths are mine too, Your heart is mine too, Your Spirit is my share too. So forgive me if I hurt You. I feel sadness in me, take it away. Come with me and bring joy and peace. Right now I don’t want another word for someone else, I just want You for me. To love on You with all I’ve got. I love You no matter what.”