A Place For The Heart
Ask me anything.
HI have a question actually. So during summer I had the intention to go back to God just because i knew thats what my heart wanted and i could feel how warm i would get inside and joyful I was every time i would just think of Him and be in his presence. So i started doing my prayers an hour once a day even if i’d struggle praying and feeling Him and believing He was there listening to me, which is something that really did discourage me a lot and prevented me from trying harder because it really affected me. It broke my heart feeling this way when I would see my sisters get closer to Him and how easy it seemed for them be so close to Him and talk to Him everyday and them actually feeling something. And here there’s me struggling, not feeling anything, crying in the inside but not wanting to show anyone im broken inside. Further during summer, i started fading in that effort of going back to God.. i slowly I started going back to my old habits.. i didn’t try hard enough, i let it go too easily and easily got discouraged </3.. And now i want to reconnect myself, I know I have to reconnect myself, but I feel like I'm returning to Him out of fear even if I know thats not true.. its like I'm trying to convince myself I'm going back to Him out of fear with everything going on in this world but I know deep down in my heart is because I love Him, I love how He loves me, my heart wants Him…
How do I do it, honest before Him? it's honest you can't lie to Him, He will know. I just want to be honest with Him and I know I don't have a problem to be.
Hi Anon. First, let me start by telling you that for your sisters to get to that place, of what seems to you that they are constantly feeling Him “easily”, it probably didn’t happen over night. I can speak for myself at least. When I first started my walk with the Lord, it wasn’t easy. I was scared to be alone and pray to start off (lol) and I had NO IDEA how to read the Bible. I would force myself to read one verse a day, yet overtime I’d close it and walk away from my “moment” with Him and time of prayer, I’d walk out thinking to myself “did I just read chinese” and didn’t feel Him one bit. It was like that for about 2 years. I was 15 when I first started. But because I didn’t know how to pray, and whenever I would pray finally, I felt like He wasn’t there, or felt like I was uselessly speak in the air, I got discouraged too. Just like you actually. I even went back to my old habits, and this time it was two times worst. I was so mad at God and more broken in the inside than when I had first met Him. My world just became dark. I remember I’d spend nights staring at my Bible telling Him “ You’re a liar”. I too once gave up too easily. I never once dedicated an hour of my day to pray or lift my hands up to worship. I didn’t feel Him at all. Yet… today I’m 20 about to turn 21, and I’m able to tell you today, with all the confidence in the world, that He is real and that He listens to every single word you say to Him when you pray. When you take your time to seek Him, and be alone with Him. My point is, it’s not easy at the beginning or “obvious” should I say. We’ve all been there before. At that place of doubt, of uncertainty. You’re not familiar with His presence yet. You close your door and you close your eyes, and instantly you wonder “ wait a minute, am I doing this right. Helloo, is someone here? Now what? What do I have to do? Should I say, oh no wait. Do i do this? I see others do this and it usually works. Hi, God? Do you hear me? Wait, this doesn’t make sense. No wait. This can’t be real. I don’t feel anything, I don’t hear anything. Yeaaaa, He’s not here, He’s not listening. This is crazy. Where are you? Why can’t I feel you like my sisters do? Maybe this isn’t for me. I’m just gonna stop. It’s not working”. We’ve all been there darling. But let me tell you, that often we don’t FEEL Him yet He’s truly there. We think we don’t hear anything, when really He’s speaking into our hearts but we simply brush it off thinking it’s our crazy imagination. If it makes you feel better, till this day, there are days, weeks, months when I lock myself in my room, and don’t feel a single thing, nor do I hear a single thing. I get so discouraged too. But with time of practicing His presence and being familiar with Him, I know it’s a matter of consistency. I know that maybe if I can’t feel Him today, it’s okay. I’ just gonna come back tomorrow, and the day after, even if it takes 1 month, 2, or even 3 months, or even a whole year. Im gonna come back until I hear Him say something or feel Him.
Often enough, the devil will discourage us and make us believe lies, just when He sees that something amazing is about to happen. Sometimes we give up and let go too easily just when that thing we’ve been waiting for is about to happen. Don’t ever quit, or stop yourself from praying and coming to spend time with God just because you think He isn’t there. Who cares what it looks like for your sisters today. It looks different for everyone love. Everyone has a different journey of intimacy with God. Yet I can tell you everyone you see and hear experiencing all these amazing time during their alone time with God, started just where you find yourself. So don’t beat yourself down. It happens. And you know what people do, they get back up and pick up right where they left off.
I’ll share a little secret with you. People think it’s easy for me because of how I write, and because of how I express certain things publicly. But in the secret place, it looks nothing like it. What you see and read, are sometimes the result of hours, days, weeks and even months of being in His Presence crying, yelling and frustration asking Him to come. Trust me I know how discouraging it can be. But here’s something I do something if this helps you in any way: Sometimes, I just go in my room to pray. And when I feel like although I read my Bible or worshipped, I still can’t feel Him, or I feel like He’s not there, or isn’t listening to me. I simply say “ Hey God. I came here to be with You just like You asked me to. And to me it may not mean much, but I know that to you it’s a big deal. So I’m here. So please come. If you don’t it’s okay, but I just want you to know that I came here to be with you and I know that you know it.” Don’t think of your time of prayer as a routine. Think of it as, a time to sit down and be with God, a one on one alone time with God, your Friend. You don’t have to be scared of Him and talk a certain way or say a certain prayer to make him “ come”. Just talk to Him like you talk to a friend that was sitting right beside you. Be honest with Him, and tell Him what’s in your heart. He already knows you inside out anyways. Say it out loud. No one is listening to you anyways. Well except fo the Holy Spirit lol. Let Him know that you came to spend time with Him. Tell the Holy Spirit that you want to be with Him, and that you’d really like to meet Him personally and know more about Him. Tell Him to come find you where you are. Ask Him whatever it is that yo want Him to do. Don’t be scared. Because that’s the only place you can really be yourself. If you’re crying in the inside but don’t want to show anyone you’re broken in the inside, I dare you to at least show Him. Write Him letters and tell Him how you feel. He’s gonna answer I promise. I’m actually really sad and heart broken to know that’s how you feel in the inside. No one deserves to hold so much pain in the inside, and deal with it alone. You should really let someone in, that will help you heal and fix the broken glasses remaining in your heart. He can do it. He really can. You just have to let Him in. Sometime simply getting on your knees, or even just face first on the floor while imagining being at His feet, or in His arms, helps. Just cry it out. You don’t need words every time. Tears speak too you know. He gets it too. It’s time for you to regain the joy of being in His Presence again. And this time, twice the portion.
You are absolutely precious to Him. He never left, He’s just been waiting for you to come back where you left Him. Everyday He sits on your bed waiting for you to realize He’s there, or even say Hi to Him. All He really just wants is for you to spend time with Him. He loves you so much and I can feel His heart beating for you at this very moment.He is waiting for you to take His hand again, to pull you closer than before. Sometimes we think God is the problem, but sometimes it’s just us that aren’t willing to let Him in closer. I know you’ve been disappointed a lot in your life and that’s probably why you have all these walls up, but you don’t have to do that with Him. He’s not like people. He’s…different. He’s kind, and loving. So put your guards down, let go of everything that is stopping you from getting closer and let Him in fully. Leave your old habits. And don’t stop yourself after only a couple tries. GIVE HIM TIME lol. Be patient with Him the same way He’s being patient with you. And you’ll see, the Holy Spirit will come and take over your room. It will never be the same. Can’t wait to hear all about it.
Talk to you soon beautiful.
God bless you! My sister had this amazing idea to reach out to people who are suicidal/ depressed. And going through tough seasons. I seen you followed me on Instagram and fell in love with your blog right away. I think reaching out to people in this way would be a good idea. Do you think you could help me and a small group of my friends start a ministry through blogging? It could really help us out I think.
Hi Hannah, I think the idea your sister had is an amazing idea. We live in a very dark world, and it’s rare to find people who are willing to let their light shine in the darkest places to help those in need, find the Light and Hope itself.I can definitely give you guys a hand in whichever way I possibly can. Email me if you need anything ( firstname.lastname@example.org)
Hi Raissa, I really want to have your thoughts on this. I’m in the worship team at my church, as a worship leader and for some reasons I feel like I need to be always producing, particularly when people around me are in a fruitful season. What do you think is the key to being successful in a “roots” season and why do you think God takes us into that sort of season in the first place?
I think it’s important to know when you’re in a season to produce fruit and when you’re in a season to produce roots. If you’re trying to produce fruit when the Lord is trying to grow your root system you won’t be able to sustain your season of fruitfulness. As leaders of a worship team we seem to go through seasons where we have to break through and go deeper and then seasons where we walk in the freedom that comes from those moments. These happen often. It’s like suddenly I feel this sense of plateau! Where we reach somewhere and enjoy it and grow and then suddenly I become aware of things that are not working or could be improved, in a practical and spiritual sense. It’s like God puts a dissatisfied-ness in my heart and I know it’s time to seek Him and find out what is disturbing my heart and what I need to do about it! I think our response to these moments should be ‘what is happening? And what must I do to partner with You in this situation?’ For me this has been key in how successfully I move through these seasons of growing roots.I think that God longs to take us deeper, to broaden our experience of Him and to draw us into the more of Him. I believe that every victory won, every season of increased freedom and fruitfulness is preceded by a battle, a moment of struggle, a deepening, broadening, stretching that prepares your heart and character to walk with more. I have experienced in my life that the key to roots seasons is to be honest with God. To allow the Holy Spirit to put His finger on what needs to change and to have the courage to allow Him to change it. Personally I have found that the more willing I am to face the thing that God is wanting to put His finger on, the sooner I allow Him to come and bring life and solutions. I think that these seasons of being faithful to work on and grow the things that God has on His heart makes a way for the next moment of fruitfulness.
Hope that helped.
I really want to worship God, all the thing you said about worshipping God made me want to worship him but I can’t. I don’t really know what worship is and how to do it.
There isn’t a formula to this. It’s different for everyone. Ask the the Holy Spirit, and He will show you and teach you everything you need to know, especially worship. Don’t focus on the idea of what worship seems to be to you because of what you’ve heard others say about it. Find out for yourself. There’s nothing like personal experience with God, that’s what theology is all about, right? I could spend hours and hours talking to you about worship, but it will be meaningless if you don’t lock yourself in a room to spend time with Him. It can be as simple as whispering “ I love you” or spending your time face first on the floor at His feet drinking from His cup. Just like it can be as dramatic as standing in front of a congregation and leading them to worship. Worship looks different to everybody, it’s expressed differently, and surely is understood differently. But one thing remains, it’s not difficult. It’s simply a choice, a matter of the heart. It’s up to you to chase that intimacy with Him. And through that intimacy, that relationship that you will begin to build with Him, worship will become more and more clear to you.
Hope that helped!
I am so inspired everytime I come here. In the silence God speals to me through you. when my world begin to shake my worship starts here and ends somwhere in the universe. I bless God for your life, for your testimonies, for your heart and for this work that brings him so much glory. Please never stop. And if one day you find yourself speechless remember the day God blossomed you into His most precious and unique flower in the garden called life. ♡♡♡
I am amazed by your writings that I can’t help but voice it. They are so beautifully put together that I can only contemplate the gift of the Holy Spirit. It is a pleasure and a blessing to discover this talent in you. It makes me realized how many more gifted are out there and can be used to advance the Kingdom. Keep faith in the Lord and stay blessed.
Wow, thank you Ange. As you said, it’s the gift of the Holy Spirit and I can only be grateful to document the process I’m in through writing the way I do. Que l’honneur lui soit rendu. God bless you my dear sister xx.
Hi! Just wanted to leave a comment saying I wrote you an email asking couple questions. I haven’t received a reply, but maybe you check this more than your emails. Just wondering if I can get a response! I’m really looking forward to your advice.
Hi lovely Jannina, I just answered you. Sorry for the delay! ❤
I really appreciate what your are doing here. Go ahead and stay blessed! Prince Mubake
Thank you, big brother. Gloire a Dieu
I have this tendency of always wanting to be alone so I reject everyone around me and isolate myself. Than when I’m alone and think that people left me I freak out. Why is that?
People like being alone, not feeling alone.
Are you constantly on your blog? Like do you write allll the time here, and everything?
No. I stay away from my blog when I am too angry & upset, in fear of possibly documenting one that shouldn’t be shared with the world. The whole purpose of this blog is for me sharing my writings when I’m under the inspiration of the Holy Spirit. So I just don’t think that’s possible if I’m in that state. Also, there is a lot of things I don’t post here. I like to keep some/most things private, in my notebook, between me and God.And when life is really good, documenting it through writing is not needed. Happiness is a documentary itself.
How do you get out of being a lukewarm Christian?
The answer to your question is to look to Jesus. Turn your eyes upon him. It’s to see your need and see that only Jesus can fill it. It’s to ask Him to give you whatever it takes to fill it, and to give up anything it takes to get it. It’s to let Jesus enrich you, cover you, heal you.
Personally, in the past, when I’ve felt luke warm its because I’ve seen my faith as more of a duty than a relationship. Part of the process of ‘heating’ up your faith is realising that you are loved by your creator who wants a personal relationship with you. Its understanding that reading the bible shouldn’t just be a philosophical pursuit, as I once thought it was. When we read God’s word it should change us, not just tickle our ears. We can’t just sit in Church every sunday thinking that because we hear the word it makes us right. We’re called to be do-er’s not just hearers. As you’ve probably figured, getting to the root of it takes self examination. God’s Word should be the mirror we use to show us the things we need to change in our lives to avoid becoming lukewarm.
Just need prayer. I’m recovering from an eating disorder after relapsing. I’ve never been medically diagnosed but I know what I’ve done to myself. I’m trying to be patient and trust God, but recovery is hard.
I’ll be praying!
Hi Raissa, I would like to know how I can heal from past relationships which have ended in my heart being broke, my soul wounded, and my spirit overwhelmed with hurt, anxiety, and depression. I want to meet the right man for me, the one whom I will marry, but based on my past – I make the worst choices when it comes to picking guys and relationships. How can I know what to consider in a guy? How do I make the right choice in picking the right partner for me. I can’t stand another heart break. thx
You’ve got to take some time out to work through your past hurt and let your heart heal. Take some time to focus on the one who loves you more than any other, Jesus. Ask him to show you just how much he loves you and delights in you. Because he does. He chose you. He formed you. You are beyond precious and loved in his eyes.
Then, when you are ready. And you know just how much you are truly loved and accepted in Christ and you have a glimpse of the kind of love you deserve – pray and ask the Lord for wisdom. He has a plan for you. One to bring you a hope and a future. In his perfect timing, he’ll lead and guide you. Trust him. Wait on him. His plan is probably far better than you can imagine.
I really want your advice on this. How far is too far in a Christian dating relationship when it comes to physical intimacy? My boyfriend (for more than a year) and I are struggling with our boundaries. (We hop from: nearly everything but sex, to only kisses and hugs and everywhere in between.) How can we figure out if we are sinning or not? How can we get to know God’s will for our relationship? Will you also pray for me/us?
I love that you’re asking me this question because it affirms that you are seeking to put God first. You want to stay pure and set boundaries in order to honour God and each other. And that’s really great.
The Bible is clear, although not always detailed, with what is permissible in regards to our actions within relationships. And we, in our amazing minds of creativity and deduction can generate the most credible sounding explanations of why it is justifiable and sometimes even beneficial to take action with our immoral decisions. But, we have to remember that sexual purity is not simply my plan. Or your plan. It’s God’s plan. It’s what God wants. That makes it the best plan. When it comes to determining where to draw the line, which is what in essence what you’re asking, I would defer to 1 Corinthians 10:32-33: “Do not cause anyone to stumble … for I am not seeking my own good but the good of many, so that they may be saved.”I think what many of us fail to recognise is that our actions impact others, whether we realise it or not. We must consider the good of many rather than seek my own good.If you have truly placed your relationship with Jesus first and foremost, wouldn’t you guys want to satisfy him before we tried to satisfy ourselves? It’s just a thought.
On another note, what I’d encourage you to do is pursue a deep and God-focused love for the other person. Then maybe your question will morph from “How far is too far” to: “How respectful can I be?” “How guarded can I be about not moving our affection into a place of guilt?” “How much can I love this person without entering into a place of intimacy reserved for marriage?” You’ll view the other person more in-line with how God views them. He knows the inherent value of your significant other. He knows who their husband/wife will be. And He knows the painful reconciling that will take place when they do meet their spouse and have to wade through the guilt of giving too much away in an old relationship. That’s not a fun feeling, and you can love your partner enough to help them avoid that. Your relationship will get better and better. I’m not saying that there’s anything wrong with it now. But if you are truly on the path to marriage, the work you do toward intentionally and respectfully loving each other will make the days pre-marriage significantly more rewarding and impactful. Pray. Pray for guidance and for God to show you what he wants.
I’m sure this answer isn’t quite as concrete as you’d like it to be. But I know and promise that if you truly dig into God’s desires for your relationship, you’ll be less focused on the “line” and more focused on the opportunity to love each other well.
Ps def praying for you!
If God is love why do people who love each other hurt each other?
Yes God is love, and His love is perfect, but people aren’t. I don’t know to be honest. A part of this journey on earth, is to strive to be more and more like Him. And by more like him=love like Him. Perhaps, the purpose of life is to never stop learning how to love people. Constantly seeking to find new ways to love people without hurting them, with kindness, patience, long-suffering, the same way God loves us. Unconditional love, you know? Outlive our love full of flaws. I don’t know?
People, if you love eachother, stop hurting eachother.
I’m so sad. So I’m an artist if I can call myself like that and I express myself through art since a very young age. Lately I created this huge, time-consuming, piece of mineband posted it online. Everyone insulted it. People even went as far as saying it wasn’t art which really brought me down. I don’t wat to paint anymore, I suck at it. What would you?
I would say screw everyone, love my art piece, and call myself and artist anyways. Art takes technique and skills, and its unfortunate that people can’t recognize that at times. The fact that you got to liberate yourself with a paint brush in your hand, and quiet the world in that very moment of creativity, is all that really matters. Don’t let people’s ignorance regarding your work, bend your back and stop you from doing something you love, something that has become a part of you for so long. If today, everyone hates it and insulted it, someday you’ll come across that ONE person that will be completely mesmerized by it…and it will all be worth it. I will probably love your work. I love art, I love me some creativity, I love me some free artists. What would you do?
Hi Raissa. I have a problem and I need advice NOW! I am literally crying right now because I just keep living this miserable life where I keep going back to my old habits no matter the amount of times God takes me out of there. I feel so ashamed, so desperate cause I know He probably lost His patience on me. I want to go back to God but I feel like I can’t because I’m so heartbroken, and such a reck right now :'(😭💔
Dear Anon, you only need to know one thing: you belong to a patient God. Not a hurry up and fix yourself God, but a be still and let me heal you God. Not a why do you keep doing this God, but a God who gives you the keys to break the cycle. God is patient, and He is pleased to take His time with you. He loves and cares for you so much. His hand is already stretched out for you. He is simply waiting for you to cling unto it, so He can take care of you.
Hey Raissa. Sometimes, I want to express myself through writing but than I get infront of the computer or a blank page, and just get stuck. Nothing seems to come out. It just really frustrates me. This is not even a question, i just felt like sharing it with someone…
Well my friend, I can relate. It happens to me a lot, just like right now. You have all these thoughts racing in your mind, and bouncing all over the walls in your head, and just when you finally feel ready to release them into words, it doesn’t come out as expected. Maybe the problem is that, we want to write things that are composed beautifully all the time, when really, the only thing we really need, is to write anyways. No matter what it may sound like to us in the moment, no matter how messy and unstructured it may seem in that very moment, write anyways. Not everything has to be published for the world to read you know. Sometimes, you just have to write for yourself. And someday, you’ll come back to re-read it, and realize how beautiful of a mess you were.
How far do you wish your blog to take you?
As far as God allows it to take me?
Your latest post ” no one can worship like you do” touched me. When did you come to a realization that you were yourself when you worship?
The moment I stopped caring about what I look like in my moment of worship. I used to be so preoccupied because I didn’t necessarily “fit in” with the rest of my group. I didn’t sound like them (sing), or move like them (dance). But once I started to understand what worship is really about, I allowed the Holy Spirit to train me in letting lose. I came to a realization that I was finally myself when I worship, and not like my neighbour or my worship leader for example, because I’d see Him smile over me no matter how hideous I’d look, cause He was seeing what He enjoyed skillfully put together in the secret.
Something you want to write about one day?
I already write about everything I want.
What advice do you have for someone (like me) who wants to start a blog but is too afraid to start one?
We are often afraid to do things because we tend to wait for the perfect moments to jump in. We think there are such things as being ready. We’ll never be ready. Therefore, I guess that means, we’re as ready as we’ll ever be. So do it anyways, do it afraid.
What made you start the whole testimony thursday? It’s really cool!
Well, I noticed that people have so much to say, but no one is truly there to listen to them. So I wanted to create a space that allows people to express and speak out, rather than keep things burning in them. Even if it’s only one person participating, I’m glad that one person got to speak up, you know?
Raissa I am so sad. It’s like everytime i tell myself to move on, the memories and thoughts I have that still trouble me, keep bringing me back to those bad places in my past life. idk what to do. It’s like I’m stuck. Help, how do i let go
Hi Shayla, it makes me sad to hear that, because I used to let bad memories trouble me. Until the Holy Spirit taught me how to process them in worship, in the intimacy of the secret place. So my answer to you, is “process”, because it occurs to me that process is the key term to everything at all time. It’s easy to tell someone “just move on”, but how do they do that? What is moving on exactly? I think that moving on begins when, you start to acknowledge that your past history and all of your hurts are no longer present in your physical reality. You have to stop allowing them to be here in your mind, muddying your present moments. Yes those bad memories will come, or just things in general,but you see that’s cause the past is still there. Our past doesn’t necessarily disappear, because the past is there as a learning experience rather than an everlasting punishment that has to live inside of us. In a way, it has helped you become who you are today. But it has to be placed in perspective. It cannot dominate your future ( the way it is now). If you want to move forward, you have to stop putting your foot on the breaks Shayla. In order to be free, you must learn how to let go. Spend honest time with God, and just let everything out or like I love to say ( puke it out). Release the hurt, release the fear, refuse to entertain your old pain, failures, mistakes, disappointments. The energy it takes to hang on to the past is holding you from something great. So take that energy, and use it to process what you need to process, through worship in intimacy with the Lord. In the secret place where you can be yourself with God, and brutally honest with Him. Cry it ouf if you have to, scream/shout, hit things if you need to hit things, be angry, sing it out, dance it out, jump! But do it, IN his presence. I promise you, that’s the answer to your question. It’s my answer to everything, until today. I love you xo
“Pour out your heart to him.” ( Psalm 62:8)
What pushed you to start a blog? And what do you use to edit your pictures?
Well, I write alot, and I want to be able to publish and share it with others. You know, to allow myself to step outside my comfort zone.
And I use my brain, but I guess Photoshop helps too.
Does it ever occur to you to regret things????!
Not anymore. Regret makes you old.
I am so happy for your blog launch. Looking forward for your posts!
Awe, thank you my love. Looking forward to the fruits!
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